Setting the Scene

At the beginning of 2019, I remember standing in the central point of my dark and earthy midwestern home while doing a sad, slow circle. Moments before, this space illuminated with glittering Christmas decorations. I stopped spinning at the unplugged tree and felt a familiar seasonal depression stirring inside my chest. I wanted my home to be filled with love and light once more! Thanking the vital inventions of fake Christmas trees, I decided not to take this beauty down. Instead, I stripped her of ornaments and fanfare until all that was left were the glittering lights, begging to be adorned with a new holiday palette. It was this need to share the core space of my home, and my heart, that ultimately lead me to hosting my first Red Party.

This beautiful season of life enveloped my growing awareness of an inner femininity. I had completed the competitive and masculine portion of my life as a student which offered a chance for life to slow down, to become more intentional - more feminine. Major shifts were occurring in my surroundings and I was learning that as a female, I had limitless resources of other women to learn from if I made the first peace offering. I wanted their help. I hoped to develop the parts of my life that needed to be nurtured along with proving that I had something to offer other women. I spent so much energy trying to maintain the masculine role I played at work each day because I believed that men were the most successful and impactful medical providers. If I was going to succeed, I need to adapt their behaviors and knowledge, right? If that behavior was the answer, I wouldn’t have crawled home each night using the inspirational work of Rebecca Campbell, Lisa Rankin, Candice Pert, and Caroline Myss to refill my inner waters. Their message ignited my shifting paradigm and the importance of a female support group. I realized that while working alongside of two male doctors, I was surrounded by a fiery network of five female staff members (including their children). How had I not seen that my happiness and success stemmed from their involvement? Their smiling faces helped me to develop beautiful relationships with patients, friends, and families while I learned more about chiropractic. Of the three years that our office staff spent influencing the lives of the Tulsa community, I didn’t fully utilize the power of this female circle until our final year together. To make up for lost time, I decided to use the upcoming Valentine’s Day season to show my gratitude to these women and unlock the full potential our of group’s love.

What is A Red Party?

I did what all Italian women do best and planned a party! I hoped for an intimate evening that would include some of my closest friends, my sister, and a few patients that I knew would be “lifers” once we broke that boundary of being friends outside the office. This wasn’t going to be a Galentine’s Day or a singles party, I wanted it to live somewhere between a guided meditation and support circle for women to focus on their unconditional love - with themselves. A book I was reading at the time, called Love Your Lady Landscape, encouraged each reader to gather a group of friends together to ask rudimentary (but often private) female health questions such as, “Do you remember the first day you got your period?” or “how did your Mom react when you started menstruating?”

My puppy, Chloe, guarding the succulent presents for our guests, created by the lovely Miranda Mangano.

I spent that afternoon cooking, arranging wine bottles, littering the floor with comfy pillows and arranging the furniture to have all surfaces facing inward. It was my job as the hostess to set the scene of the Red Party from the moment they step inside. I wanted each person to feel comfortable enough to answer prompted topics or to remain silent while taking in the discussion. As I decorated, I silently questioned the success of the evening and worried about prodding my guests to share experiences when I was embarrassed reading the book alone in the privacy of my home. I thought, “I had better play my strong suit tonight as a hostess to hide my discomfort in talking with women about women.” To lighten the mood and accentuate the theme, I asked each person to wear some shade of red or pink to the party. Red is the color associated with the womb, menstruation, the root chakras, and the flushing faces of the more reserved women throughout our conversation.

How To Build A Circle

So began the tradition of hosting an annual party devoted to self-love and the healing power of women who sit in a circle and talk. I believe that by the time you recognize that you need the healing guidance of another person, you have already begun to heal. A Red Party is one option to invite those opportunities into your life and provides the women around you an equal chance to have their own revelation. During my first party, between the ramblings of a host and the contemplative silence of some guests, stories poured out of each woman. I remember pulling topic discussion cards, action cards such as “take a dance break,” and a few question cards that were anonymously written at the beginning. We laughed, cried, and held space for the previously silent struggles of each woman in the circle. The conversation reflected on the perceptions we had about our own bodies at a young age and the newer ones that we are still working to love. Although these red women grew up in different places and were demonstrating the separate stages of a female’s life, we found common ground in the one thing that truly unites all humans - the body and its experience on earth.

What bloomed the night of my first Red Party was a life altering evening that I could easily think back to when I needed to transmute the emotion of isolation. The parties taught me that when you are lonely, it’s up to you to change it.

So why build a circle at your party? All circles surround something; tokens of love, a passionate topic, a person you care about, or a song that gets passed around. The perimeter of bodies will unify and seal the intention inside it, such as a positive energy or shared wisdom. Like the ages of women before us, and for any group of learning women to come, place something in the center of a circle and let it come to life.

Who Will My Circle Impact?

Impact: to have a strong effect on someone or something. A blank canvas that we decorate to become a positive or negative work of art. Throughout the year, I listen to the women in my life struggle with this unnamed ghost of malcontent. On their faces, I see frowning lines of concern that they are missing the signs that destiny has sent them. In their voices, I hear self-doubt, confusion, and a lack of self-worth. I do my best to heal their bodies that ache, struggle to sleep, and develop unhealthy behaviors…all outward expressions of internal imbalances. These extraordinary women are non-stop influencers for their spouses, children, parents, and co-workers yet they are driven by a deep desire to answer the question, “Do I have what it takes to impact my world?”

When designing my second Red Party, I felt called to write each of the women a love letter. In case I didn’t have the time to connect with them personally, I had the chance through writing. The letters were passed around at the beginning of the party and helped transition the socializing and snacking into a conversation on how impact impacted our health. Ultimately, it was more than a discussion; it was a portal towards joint healing that offered everyone a moment to reflect on their relationship with the feeling of impact. We each feel the need to be heard, respected, supported, and given a chance to leave an imprint. A Red Party offered windows into the unique lives of each woman that attended. I felt my body tingle throughout the night as if healing was happening at a cellular level just by selflessly listening to the words of another human. While we may describe the concept differently, I know that without a grasp on our purpose and the purpose of others in our life, it’s hard to see the world from a positive position. When this happens, try to enhance your current routine because repetitive behaviors perpetuate the same results. Shock the system by talking to different people and witness the existence of an external sequence of events that co-exists outside of your own daily interactions. When was the last time you wrote a love letter? It is a gratitude exercise that taps into all of our senses and evokes memories from every corner of your mind.

You don’t have to spend a lot of time planning the conversation of the night, but it helps if you’re nervous. I like to be prepared when guiding a healing circle so the letters were a perfect way for me to reflect on my relationship with each guest and to cultivate the energy I hoped to offer their current life. By the time the party began, I was relaxed knowing that content was already prepared and the similarities between each woman had been exposed. I’d like to share a few examples of the letters that I passed around at our second Red Party. I hope they spark your own self-inquiry and encourage you to attend some type of female-lead circle.

Love Letters To:

A Newlywed

“Your impact comes from how hard you love. Your unrelenting effort to include others dives deep into the hearts of us all. This year you’ve started a new journey through marriage and have discovered that the impact you have on this world is now doubled! Through a loving relationship that reflects both your priorities and values, your role in helping this world is limitless. When you share your purpose with someone you love, your impact doubles its effort and influence.”

A Mother

“I hope you can remember, during the monotony of each day, how much you have already done and how much you continue to influence the world around you. Your fun, bright personality ensures that everyone who crosses your path gets a dose of that passion. As a mother, your impact on the world is an endless sea of change. Your faith and values, carried on through your children, will leave a loving imprint on everyone they smile at for years to come. They are an “extension” of your continued success.”

A Student

“It’s hard to see the air that you stand there breathing. While in school, you may not be able to see immediate results of your efforts but remember that this stage of impact is the investment period. Invest in your art, studies, love, and growth. There’s a big shift of change coming into your life so by focusing on the seeds you’ve planted, they’ll keep you grounded throughout. I see you committed to bettering the planet every day and that imprint will continue to spread pass anything you can keep track of or witness. Your seeds should outgrow your own life. Trust your developing role and how quality people add to its success.”

A Friend Entering Change

“I think you’ve witnessed a taste of the impact you have on others and yes, that is addicting! You have already made the hardest decision by breaking a routine that was out of alignment with what makes your soul light up. Personality, caring, creative, and fun...your wonderful qualities will continue to positively affect those around you in any outlet you choose. This is the time of life to experiences all its seasons. Trust that the reward is as continuous as your need to evolve.”

A Friend Who is Preparing to Relocate

“Impact is a word that you know well. You may call it influencing, teaching, or speaking but ultimately, that is what you do - constantly. Your electric personality attracts everyone you meet but it is your accepting nature that then invites them to stay, get inspired, and to act. Through exercise, speaking, volunteering, and becoming a constant present in your community, you leave an imprint of hope no matter where you go. No geographical location or professional role will limit that. The more you move, the wider your influence spreads.”

A Friend Hitting A Few Dead Ends

“Impact is a fluid word that will fluctuate with our interests and priorities. Trust that your creative efforts lay the groundwork for a lifetime of worth and of impact. Not always in the realm of our expectations, (and rarely is making an impact a quick return on our investments) witnessing our efforts come to fruition instantly erases the period of waiting where we doubted every move, word, and step. Be fluid, let go, and let god.”

A Friend Feeling Stuck Professionally

“I’m sure the word impact was both a driving force that inspired you to enter your line of work and a word that you’re used to question the success of future work. Changing one person’s life has exponential effects, most of which we will never see. Imagine the ripple of change that your love, respect, awareness, and devotion will create. Impact is a feeling that you can find at any moment when you remember the love that you share between your husband and little one at home, outside of work. Together, your immediate tribe can triple your impact on this planet. Using that strength, you’ll feel supported enough to move on to your next work venture if it’s the right thing to do.”

A Sister

“Each lesson and small step outside of your comfort zone, will expand your trust in what you are capable of. That new belief in the ability to conquer a challenge is permanent. Your circle of experiences and impact will never retract or retreat from its new, personal best. Your commitment to self-inquiry, expression, and learning, are all inspiring characteristics that ensure a future of impact. Remember, it already has.”

There is no right or wrong way to go about a Red Party. Let it highlight the connection between you and your guests, allow the activities to match your personality, and focus on facilitating the needs of your circle during this season of life. Our circle during the first Red Party was held together by the promise of forgiveness and self-transformation. The second year developed its unique theme and style for communication, and I expect my upcoming party to be completely different as well. The theme for this third party is rooted in self-love; an internal language that can be developed during subconscious exchanges through meditation and yogic postures. If you’re struggling to produce a theme of direction for the party, trust that each group will create their own agenda if whoever is leading the circle allows for natural tangents, organized prompting, and timely responses. Keep the food close and just talk.

The Impact of Love Letters

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